�stalk:
email
notes
guestbook

�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
Listening:



Reading:



Watching:

Monday, Jan. 14, 2002 - 9:48 A.M.
This is an odd little entry.

So, how's it going?

Yesterday was an okay day. Sometimes monotony is a good thing. Sometimes being able to take a slow day and just go with the proverbial flow is good. Yesterday was one such day.

Woke up, got ready for work, waited for Derek, who was fashionably on time, and went to work. Scanned a bunch of returns, avoided the idle chitchatter that is martha as much as possible, and just "worked" Not hard, but enough to get whatever I could done. By the time Martha left at 4:45 I was running out of steam. So I just relaxed and talked to Derek about stuff in general andbefore you know it the work day is done and off and away I'm back at home eating a piece of Raspberry Lemon cheesecake (which was oh so good) and watching tv and talking to Wade. He moseyed on over here and stayed for abit.

It was an okay day.

Okay days can be good. They can help you settle into your life. they can make everything a little less frantic. A little less rushed and under some sort of time constraint.

My life isn't ideal. I know that. People in odd little ways point it out to me without even meaning to. The funny thing about my life is that its mine. I get to wake up to it everyday I get to end my day realizing it was an okay day. I'm the one who has to decide how the rest of my life is going to go. I get to see all the missed chances and opportunities, all the "could have beens" that might have altered whatever course I have taken. For instance, I've said this before, without a doubt, if I had had a car, my life today would not be what it is today. Had I had a car, I would be working somewhere else, I would probably be out of school and the friends I have now, none of them I would know. I know this like I know the sun will rise in the morning. Some thing as simple as a car has changed my life and all that I know of it entirely. I have changed my life by not having a car. I love my life. None of it makes me sad in the morning when I wake up. SOme of it may frustrate me but its mine. My thoughts and actions have put me on this course and introduced me to people who I love a great deal, who make me laugh and make me cry.

They are my proverbial flow of things. they are the flow that get me through my day. They make the flow faster and slower, choppy or peaceful. Like some lazt river where just around the bend are those rapids which sometimes I look forward to, sometimes, they're just a bit taxing on the nerves. But I like to go with the flow, sometimes against the flow.

See I told you it was an odd little entry. I don't even know what the hell I was talking about. I think I have a lot on my mind and I can't find the words to say what it is. Or maybe I don't want to say what it is. Maybe I am just blathering on about some things, inconsequential, and avoiding whats really going on in my head. It annoys me sometimes that I am a mystery to myself, that I scare myself with my own thoughts and feelings and can't find a way to make them tactile enough, to grasp them and mold them into conscious written thoughts.

I was reading a diary the other day and in it the diarist wrote so much of themself into it freely, and sometimes I wish I could do that.

Its amazing to think that the world is full of continuous revelation, of ourselves and the people around us.

I don't know.....

neurosis ~ catharsis