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�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Thursday, Jan. 17, 2002 - 8:38 A.M.
I've been sitting here for the last couple of minutes, okay 7 minutes on hopes of coming up with an entry to explain my actions, why I said what I di to who I said it to.

I would like to think it was a noble purpose, that knowing things from both sides, him knowing wasn't going to change anything. I mean I knew inside that if Derek knew, he wasn't going to be throwing up walls and and acting all weird and antisocial all of the sudden.

I would like to think that I figured enough was enough, that it was obvious to everyone around the two of them that he liked him. Whether Derek knew or not, before I made such a revelation, is beyond my knowledge.

I would like to think that I was being a good friend to both of them with my revealing how he felt.

I would like to think a lot of things, but at the moment, I don't/can't think of the reason why I told him.

Wade said he was not mad that I told him. Wade says the only reason he is/was mad at me is because I didn't tell him I told Derek.

All in all it leaves me feeling a little like shit. But I guess sometimes you get to feel like shit for being a bad friend.But I look at it this way. If in the long run I hadn't told him, and Wade continued to like him more and more and the outcome was not what he had hoped, then the hurt would be greater than it is now, if the outcome had been what he had hoped, then the friendship will become stronger and mature along the right levels and what may come will come on a more solid ground.

I'd like to think that somewhere in the back of my mind that was what I was thinking. But I don't know.

truth and honesty is supposed to be the best policy, right? And with truth and honesty, leaving something out is just the same as avoiding the truh and honesty. So I did bad. I know. I'm sorry.

neurosis ~ catharsis