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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Thursday, Feb. 14, 2002 - 3:21 A.M.
You know what. I have this notion. Okay so its not really my notion, but I'm going to borrow it for the time being, stick a flag in it and proclaim it mine. Talk is Cheap. Life isn't going to live itself. You gotta do and be and live it yourself. Or it'll all just pass you by and you're going top wake up one day wondering where the hell everything went. It would be easy for me to say grab every minute and make it yours, live life to your fullest and don't look back. And I'm not saying that even this can't be done. But most of us are not living our life to its fullest. There are a lot of things holding us back and the problem is that we let them. Life is going to be filled with trials, things we have to overcome, people we have to meet head on, we are supposed to experience love, anger, sadness, joy, happiness, fear, we're supposed to feel it, because we can. It makes us and builds us and strengthens us and its our responsibility to do all we can.

I have to tell you I love my English class. It makes me think more than any class I've had in a long time. Except for my philosophy class which I loved too. But this class! It leaves me wondering and pondering and I really do enjoy it. The instructor of course has always been one of my favorites because she realizes the vitality of the written word and of theatre and movies and music and she incorporates that vitality. Derek is taking my English class too, all of them actually, and I am pretty sure that it is the only one that he really likes. Which kinda makes me feel bad cuz all the other ones he's taking with me, seem to bore him to tears. But in all honesty I am none too impressed with them either. but the cool thing is that the only reason we are taking this class is because he didn't want to take two mental health classes. So technically its his fault I am so inspired (thanks) You might wonder exactly how and English class would inspire me to talk about living life to its fullest and making it our own and then I would have to tell you about Faust and how Faust (goethe's) lived life and wanted to experience every bit of it and told the devil that the day he is satisfied, the day that he has had enough of experience, the day he says to the day, "Abide with me..." that his life will already be over.

You know that saying, a day late and a dollar short. That's what I feel like sometimes. Most of my friends that I have right now, it seems like they are just starting out, just beginning their lives and they have this desire to achieve everything and I'm thinking back to when that was me and I was wanting everything and its not that I think I've missed my chance but rather my wheels are spinning and I'm just not making contact. I didn't have much fun growing up, friends were few and far between and for the most part I had some insecurity issues. But now, for some reason, suddenly, by eyes are open to the possibilities again. I have a sense of vitality that invigorates me to the point that the idea of standing still assaults my senses. You know what I mean, like my engine is revving and there's smoke coming from the tires, I'm just waiting for someone to let me loose. that's what my friends do for me. They have all this opportunity and its like flowing into me too. I love that sensation. I love that feeling. I love them.

I have always had a good feeling about myself. I've always known that I was a good person. Some people may disagree, but overall, I am a good person. If I hurt someone, its not intentional. A lot of people said or believe that the only reason I told Jen's dad that she was going to move out with her boyfriend that I did it to hurt her. That I apparently "hate me [her] that much" The truth of the matter is that I didn't want her to get hurt again. That's it. I thought her father should know what I had heard. I will grant you that they don't have the most stable of father/daughter relationships, but if honesty is the best policy then, you'll forgive me for my honesty.

Now to back pedal a little. I know that all of this sounds very good. But I also said that talk is cheap. If everything was as easy as it sounds then none of us would be having any of the issues and problems that we are experiencing. I mean honesty alone, one must take into consideration so much, and when you do use honesty, look where it might get you or what you might lose. I don't want to lose anyone. So it puts you in a corner. Fight or flight, not the best of situations to be in. Anyway its 3:12 in the am, I have a micro exam I need to fail in the morning, so I am going to go. take care of you. Read me later

neurosis ~ catharsis