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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2002 - 6:09 P.M.
I've been hesitant to write about my so called adventure sunday night. I feel somewhat mixed about what happened and I wish I remembered more of it. Actually I don't. Its a little embarassing because I really didn't have a reason for it to happen. Or so it has been pointed out to me

I mean I know why at least I think I do but it still leaves me a bit confused too.

I intended to go and have a good time.

I don't know why I drank as much as I did. Part of me wanted to feel as good as I did on the Thursday before, as you might recall, I did have one of the best times I have had in a long time. ANd I know that one of the main reasons I did have so much fun was because I drank while I was there and I felt whatever inhibitions I have released. I don't want to call what I did, dancing, but I had a blast. I had a lot of fun. Paige and Christan were witness to my antics and I guess I was hoping for a repeat of that night. But Sunday was not Thursday, I was thinking alot about other things and other people and what they were going through and I guess the best way I can say it is that while I wasn't going through the same thing, i felt like I was because he's my friend and I didn't want him to go through it by himself. Unfortunately,as it turned out, he did go through it by himself. And he was going to have to go through it by himself. I'm a bit upset with myself that I wasn't able to be there for him. I feel like I let him down.

Then there's the whole idea of throwing up in the Krogers parking lot that didn't seem that appealing to me at all. It wasn't a good time by a long shot. And the idea of it happening again ...... not for a long time.

D'you ever feel like you're suppose to be something, to be someone and you think that you can be that person that you want to be the person and then when the opportunity to present itself arrives you screw it up That's what I feel like right now. Anyway I don't know if this is true but I feel like that sometimes. I don't know. Not one of my better days to say the least. And in retrospect, it has left me feeling and thinking less of myself. Even now three days later.

Fortunately there was someone there to make sure everything ended alright and we got home in one piece. And while he may be under the impression that it was nothing that he did, it was what a friend would do and he was a good friend to take care of not one person but two. Its easy to think that in the same situation we would do or act the same way and I believe that this is true. Butthat does not negate the act of friendship or its importance on what was done. Thank you for that. And I am sorry you had to do it.

I guess that's all for now. I'll write you more later

neurosis ~ catharsis