�stalk:
email
notes
guestbook

�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
Listening:



Reading:



Watching:

Monday, Nov. 26, 2001 - 11:23 A.M.
my window actually its two windows stuck together as one big window, that's why I call it a window has a flag draped across it. Actually it used to drape across it but now the flag it on one side of the window and on the other side of the window is a flag poster that I got from work. Its really huge and looks almost as cool as those giant flag billboard signs that I would really really want. BUt that is neither here nor there. But last night I was about to go to sleep and I look at my window and everything looked like it might look if it were a giant x-ray. I mean the moon and the street lights were so bright that you could see through the poster and the white stars on it shine through the back, the real flag all the colors bled through to the venetian blinds, just barely, ( I guess that's not an x-ray quality when it is in color) but other wise it reminded me just like an x-ray. It was really cool looking. Well I was looking at it and thinking to myself how with a little light you can see everything, even though its still dark. Just the smallest amount of light in a dark room and suddenly everything that is in shades of gray, color is reveals and those dark shadows are really piles of dirty clothes or what have you.

I know first hand that every body doesn't know what buttons we push on people to make them upset or mad or angry. I know that there is so much about each of us that we don't know. I know that sometimes we think we know everything there is to know about our friends. BUt its not true. If it were true then we would say or do some of the things we do because, well those are the buttons.

For example. Two things I know. I know I am way older than almost everyone I hang out with. There is nothing I can do about that. And I know it is all said in jest but when it is a point that everyone jokes about it, it makes me feel like I shouldn't be hanging out with you. It doesn't make any sense because in most cases age as a factor to anything is usually a moot point, in most cases, but still hate nothing more than being called old.

secondly. I don't think I suffer from any sort of vanity issue. Growing up in a family of red headed people, being the odd man out because I didn't have red hair, it didn't give me the most secure feeling about how I looked. I don't think I am ugly . But to hear it from people, just that word, or all those words associated with it, it makes me feel like I'm back to being the little kid again, who nobody seems to like. And its not so much that, but as something said in jest, well I would never tell anyone they were ugly, no matter how funny I thought it was.

There's a bunch of other crap that I would love to say, but its all putting me in a shitty mood and I don't want to be in a shitty mood.

you know this has nothing to do with anything I just said, but I don't like Michelle. The good thing about this is that she doesn't care whether or not I like her or not cuz well she doesn't like me either. But she has nothing nice to say about anyone. Ever. Every time I have ever met her she has said nothing nice about anyone. Quite to the contrary she has raked everyone over her forked tongue like she were up on this proverbial pedestal and everyone else is beneath her. Well she needs to get off her petty stool. I have never met anyone more two faced in my entire life. And the fact that her best friend just sits back and relishes in this behavior, and these are supposed to be her friends that she is talking about, it leaves me wondering why she doesn't take up for any of them. Yes perhaps Michelle has issues, we, everyone of us has issues. It doesn't excuse it.

You know this is supposed to be an accounting of my days, isn't it? I just had to get all of that off my chest.

I have seen people over the weekend I haven't seen in ages and ages.

I saw this girl who I used to work with at the movie theatre, Kristin Rodriguez. She lives in New York. She works for a interior design firm and has worked there for probably the last 7 years or so, but I saw them in the bookstore the other day. The funny thing is I was thinking about her and her mother the other day thinking about how I would react to seeing them since its been so long. I do that sometimes and suddenly they show up. Its weird. But I was talking to her and she was talking about how she was supposed to go to London three days after September 11th and how her flight was cancelled because they closed the airports. And I told her about my trip to London and how much I wanted to go back and she told me the next time I go and want a travelling partner to give her a call and she proceeded to write everything down on her business card. And at that moment I wanted nothing more than to fly off to London with her. I have to admit at the time that she worked at the theatre I did have a crush on her. Its sounds stupid to say that, but its true. But I was enamoured with someone else at the time, completely and wholly enamoured. There were a number of very beautiful girls that worked at the movie theatre when I worked there. Speaking of which, Ms Jennifer from Austin was in town this weekend, well in town long enough to say hello. She stopped by the bookstore while I was at work. It was a wonderful surprise cuz I didn't think she would get to come and visit since her grandfather broke something or hurt something and had to go to the hospital. But I was fortune enough to see her. Jennifer is one of my oldest and dearest and most beautiful of friends. She really is. When we worked to gether, she commiserated with me concerning Melissa and I commiserated with her concerning whichever boy it was that was completely smitten with her. She has this sirenous quality. Really she does and they come like moths to a flame. Then I saw another friend that I worked with at Mr Ghatti's. This is way way back. Actually I worked with her sister and she and I and my friend Kevin were the three musketeers. At the time, Kevin was probably my best friend. THis was the first time that I had ever lived in one place more than a year. My father had finally retired from the military and had settled down to live in one place and I got a job and I had friends that were actually staying around, or I was staying around long enough to keep them as friends. And Lori and Kevin were those people. Anyway I saw Lori's sister and her other sister and her mom. I remember this was when I first moved in with my mom (long story) and I felt like I was a guest, an unwanted guest in my own home, and I remember I had thanksgiving dinner at their house one year. and at least two years we had thanksgiving dinner at a mutual friends house.

Now I am completely off what I was talking about. Ah memories. so good to distract, aren't they. Good for me, not for you I guess since you are reading. But alas, such is life. Probably more in a bit, but I have to get ready for class now. talk to you soon. Read me later.

neurosis ~ catharsis