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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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2001-03-03 - 06:34:11
you know the thought that someone doesn't like you, no matter how baseless, is not a feeling that brings out the best in someone. I know its senseless to think that everyone should like you, that not one person might find you the least bit reprehensible for some reason, but there it is. there are people that don't like me. I don't know why. I do nothing wrong. I am a placater, a healer, according to my personality profile (INFP) and well it just seems that who could like me? I'm nice, not the least bit evil, no matter what some might say, but still. I guess you could lay it all on the notions of jealousy and envy, but truthfully I am not much to fuss over. Really. so i don't know what to make of it.

today was a pretty bland and monotonous day. in swo much that I did nothing really. The sun was actually making a half hearted attempt to shine for a little while but then the clouds strong armed her back behind them and they muted the light and darkened the sky as they have for teh last 5 days. I really do not like rain right now., Hate it really. with a passion that goes beyond rational understanding. okay, this is all not true. I like rain. I do hate wind though, but lets not get me started on that.

I really don't have anything else to say.

I'm pretty much at a loss.

Tomorrow we, the family, are going to the Irish festival in Dallas. this is my first festival type thing. My brothers and mother have gone to several other tpye festival thing,s the highland games and the irsih festival from previous years. I get to go this time. You know to see what I've been missing. I'm sure there's some cool stuff. Now if mother nature will be kind enough to be agreeable tomorrow, all will be well.

okay I guess I am going to go for teh time being. I found another really cool diaryland yesterday, or rather quiter early this morning. you people amaze me sometimes at how incredibly insightful and brilliant you can be in your journals. its amazing really. as I told this young that very fact. you amaze me and give me hope that this world with all the crap that is in it, is also filled with people who are so intelligent and resourceful and willing to be who you are. it is hard in this day and age to do that, to be you, to feel you, to know you and to let the world see it. Truth of the matter is a couple of years ago I probably would have been part of the narrow minded rabble that has made it such a miserable existence. Not so much with any overt actions but I have been so closeminded about so much. My eyes and my heart and my mind were focused solely within the realms of what I believed and you know what I believe isn't always right, has proven to be wrong on occasion. (please no quoting me here :) but its true. Its so easy to say we know, but you know who knows, God knows, the rest of us are just guessing, every step of the way. How many of us are as righteous as we believe? And our actions are to be judged by Him. not by me, not by you, but by Him.

We are emotional beings and we allow those emotions to get in the way. Not only that but we put ourselves above others in the idea that what we do is better than what others do, or rather the things we do wrong are not as bad as the bad things others do. In teh eyes of God, we all fall short of His Glory. He weighs every sin equally, because every one of them, a lie, jealousy, envy, murder, all of them keep us from him.

I've been reading this book called The Darkness and the Dawn by Charles Swindoll, about the crucifixion of Christ and the part I read today was concerning the 6 trials Christ went through before he was found guilty and crucified. But the part that really got to me was when He was in The garden of Gethsamene and he is praying and he calls out abba, father is there any other way. And Swindoll defines teh term abba. meaningthat it was afamilial word, kind of a term of endearment like daddy. and I am thinking to myself how much Jesus was going through that he calls to God and says daddy, father,is there any other way and then not my will but yours and accepts his death as the inevitable choice. but I imagine how a child beseeches their father. just that word. "daddy" and you hear it and feel it, his torment and fear of that moment being in all his humanness as he prays to the lord. daddy, is there any other way. and then not my will but yours be done. so many times we hear people ask, why god why, and to read this small portion of the story of Christ in the garden asking his daddy if there was any other way other than his death, it seems so small in comparison. we have no idea.

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okay i'mback from a night out and about, well not really about, just to fort worth for izza at Uno's , good by the way, andthen we were contemplating a movie but everything had started so we went back to jenni and daniels place andthen i came back home. the pizza left overs are for breakfast in the morning. now its time for a little sleep. actually i have a few journals I have to read. then its sleep

goodnight all

neurosis ~ catharsis