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�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
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Watching:

2001-03-14 - 21:04:31
I'm feeling melancholy. I don't know why. Its probably my choice of music. I often find myself listening to songs that pull the heart strings and not in the right direction. I am often burdened with a romantic streak. And most of the time its a good thing. We romantics feel things deeply. Ask anyone of us. Its true. I've encountered more romantic hearted people in diaryland than I ever thought existed. I used to think that i was the only one. i grew up with a houseful of brother and they are my brothers and I love them dearly but they are often very calloused and hard and I am left wondering why i am not like them. Why I hear something and they hear something and its like we hear two different things and we interpret it two different ways. What makes me listen to my heart and them listen to whatever it is that they listen to. And what is it that makes me sigh and them scoff at something. Why do i have to feel all this and they get to brush it off as unimportant and meaningless. And you know, I am well aware that that's not true. i know that they feel and hurt and wish and wonder and all that I do, they just don't seem to. I'm an open book, just look into my eyes and you can see it in me. i don't want to make myself sound like i'm a better person, but I know that I have a compassionate heart and soul and I guess I wish I knew that everybody else does. that everybody else feels the way i do. the sad thing is that that is not the case. There are some real assholes in the world. And they are this way, why? What makes an asshole an asshole? What makes a person good? I mean we, all of us, experience the same things, why do some of us take those circumstances and turn it to hate and pain and others turn it to love and nurturing?

Anyway, I don't know where all that came from. But there it is. blah.

NOthing much happened this evening. It turned out to be a pretty good day. i did make that tasty dessert, which if my will power holds will last a couple of days before I devour it in one sitting. Its very rich, almost decadent. Its chocolate and cocoanut, and pecans and granham cracker crusts and oh my god its good. Way better than a peanut buster parfait. It taste like coconutty heaven. oh my god. its incredibly. who would h ave thought that it could taste so good. I can't wait to wake up in the morning and eat a little. I have to wait til then cuz if I eat just a smidge more now, I'll clean out the whole thing. I just know it. My will power is weakening. its the melancholy. Its probably the music. But we went down that road.

I have found more people questing for love on here too. Not so much looking for it, i don't mean that, I mean looking for it in their lives, wanting it needing, wishing for it, hoping that it exists for them. I know what that feeling is like too. I had an opportunity once to have it, I know, I mean it was so close so near but I was so afraid of it, afraid of risking my heart, that I messed it up. So I not only messed up my chances but as a result I feel somewhat responsible for her life too. I know I shouldn't and I guess feeling that way is sort of egotistical. thinking that I am so important that something I would do could change the c ourse of another. But the truth of the matter is we all have free will, we have all chosen our course, whether beneficial or not, we chose how we got here. The good thing is we can choose how we go forward. Tomorrow is always opportunity. So here's to tomorrow. pulls the tab on his Dr Pepper, listens to the gust of carbonated air and takes a big swallow. oh that's good stuff.

neurosis ~ catharsis