�stalk:
email
notes
guestbook

�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
Listening:



Reading:



Watching:

2001-04-04 - 11:16 p.m.
You know, I've been in love, and I mean in love with one person in my entire life. I was too stupid, too ignorant to realize what I had when I had it. I love her still and it seems as though I will always love her. I want to always love her and given the chance I would love her with all of me. All of me. Love, in and of itself, is such a powerful emotion, you see things differently, you feel things differently, you fear, you worry, you wonder, you hope, you dream but mostly you love. And its a wondrous feeling. To have it and to know it. And people throw it away and then when it is gone, you're looking around wondering just what happened to it. Where did the perfection go. I know it isn't perfection, perfection doesn't exist, everyone makes mistakes, everyone screws up, everyone will hurt you AND be hurt by you. Little things and big things We are all of us, vulnerable to love because it is something we all want so much and when we have it, the glory of it is so incomprehensible, it blinds us, it fills us, it overwhelms everything about us. And I want that. We all want it, want to know that someone feels this same passion. Its scary and frightening, but it is wonderful. You know its so easy to hate, nobody ever wishes they could hate someone, whats hard is to love someone, to truly love someone, and when we do, man oh man, there is nothing else like it. Is there? True bliss and true heartache come from this wonder of emotion.

I worry about my friends. Their hearts are fragile. They are fragile. We are all fragile. But I am seeing their fragility and worry about them. They want so much to love and be loved, and when relationships don't work out the way they want, or their hearts have seen and known pain and heartache their anguish is great. I know its not anything new, its not something they alone feel. I feel it too. If I c ould fix everything for them all i would, If I could fix the broken hearts, mend the love, I would, I would, I would.

Went to the zoo today. Better yet, actually made it to the zoo. The animals were pleased to see me. In case you didn't know I talk animal very well. Just ask them. They tell you. granted my wild bird and my monkey sound somewhat similar, but still, they looked, i saw recognition in their eyes. It was fun. The tigers were playing, the Orangutan were sleeping and ignoring me, the white tiger was wondrous, the elephants were huge, the penguins were being fed, the birds were merely perching, the lions were wanting to be petted, I am sure, the crocodiles and alligators were menacing, the brightly colored parrots were not conversing with me in the least, the komodo dragon was poisonous as one little kid said "he's poisonous because he doesn't brush his teeth" and I laughed stood up and turned around and in my best adult voice said, "Let that be a lesson to all of you children." Everyone laughed. It was great.

After the zoo it was off to work for me and off to break up with Daniel for jenni. Fortunately there was no big scene. Jenni of course was very upset. She went to her father's and Michael met up with her there to keep her company until Wade and i got of work. Then we went to (trumpets please) Cheddars. For, that's right, the best damned cheese fries on the planet. Melted cheddar cheese bacon bits french fries ranch dressing. "Oh my god good" is what it is. Anyweay after that we all went our separate ways, jenni to her mothers and wade went out I think to the Village and me, I find myself typing at the computer worried about them all.

The visit from our District manager went very well, as I understand it. The big visit comes Monday. Fortunately we're the first one to be visited. Its good to get it over with.

Tomorrow is a fun filled day of school, getting the bookfair ready for San Antonio and giving Irene her review for her to sign. Then helping jenni move all her stuff to her mother's and of course it being Thursday night, gotta watch Friends.

I guess that's it for now.

gotta get some sleep, school comes early in the morning and man do I just LOVE that.

What I'm listening to right now Track 12 which is just music is so soothing. I listened to it several times while composing this entry. Its puts me at ease, calming, soothing and puts sound to the emotions that seem to be expressed here.

neurosis ~ catharsis