�stalk:
email
notes
guestbook

�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
Listening:



Reading:



Watching:

2001-06-09 - 10:19 a.m.
you know I am glad I am not depressed, I mean clinically. It doesn't seem to be the most lifting experience to have to go through all the time. I get sad sometimes, for no reason, just being sad, about this or that, or whatever, just a whole melancoly funk that comes over me and as far as I know its not a clinical depression. Cause it seldom lasts more than a day and I can usually just work my way out of it before too long. I mean really, what do I have to be depressed about anyway. I'm alive and well, and healthy. I could lose a few pounds, I'm looking at maybe 5 - 10, but that's just vanity talking. I could probably have a better job, but that's just economics. I could probably be doing something different with my life, but I have my whole life. I could probably be with someone (if I listen to most people, everyone has a girl of my dreams waiting for me) but you know, I can't help it if i don't want to be with someone. I have nothing to be depressed about. sad sure.

I have two friends who aren't talking to each other. Friends who were friends long before I came along and now who seem perfectly content to stay as far away from each other as they want and me in the middle. I tried not to take a side, but I know I did somewhere along the way, actually it was at the very beginning. I did take a side.

And maybe that's the distance that can't seem to be crossed. I don't know really. I've been sad lately about their friendship, because its not anymore. that kind of puts up a wall. And I don't know what paige is thinking about this. She and i are wearing the same shoes. I mean all the other parties involved seemed to have taken to one camp or the other and the two of us bounce back and forth, not like pawns, because we are their friends and we want to spend time with them, but I feel like if I have to tell teh other one I am hanging out with the other, that I am being traitorous. its a horrible feeling. I'm sure its not intentional, its probably just all in my head. Its never going to be the way it was, I know that is true. the bridge has been burned. yeah you can still traverse the sucker, but really slow and one step at a time. cuz now its real rickety and you get all this soot all over you by the time you get across. and do you know how hard it is to get soot out of clothes. nd you come away smelling like a forest fire. And what kind of analogy is that?

My day looks oh so delightful. I'm going to go swimming for a little bit before I have to go to work. Hopefully the day will fly by. There are a ton of people working today. I wish I was working the day shift insteaed of the night shift, but sometimes you gotta take teh good with teh bad. Ain't that always the case. Then I don't know exactly what I am doing for the evening. I am off on Sunday and am planning on enjoying myself immensely, doing something or other. Love the cemented plans don't you.

Two weeks and I am on vacation down to Austin. talk about a cool city. It really is a cool city. Really it is. You should visit sometime. And if you live there, you are so lucky. My friend lives there. She is lucky. She's brilliant and beautiful and fun and we are the best of friends. She was my confidante when I worked at the movie theatre with her and melissa. that was when I first met melissa. Course melissa doesn't hold the fondest of feelings for her because of it, but you know ,such is life. She is the only one who has never told me to not love Mel, the only one who suffers as acutely from a romantic heart than me. Which is not true. I know there are others thusly afflicted, we of the romantic heart, but she has never told me not to love her out of everyone. she has a titanium plantinum star next to her name in my book.

i don't really have much to say. I guess that was my way of saying I am looking forward to going down to Austin in a couple of weeks. I need a break I guess. I feel like I am living that Green Day song, "Basket Case" not so extreme, but the last couple of weeks have been sort of topsy turvy and trying to find out which way is up, is a little dizzying sometimes. I fairly sure I'm up now.

I heard this song the otehrday when we were on our Way back from Remember When. Breakfast at Tiffany's and there's a line in it that goes.....
So what now? It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over
When so much is left undone

and I'm thinking this. Breakfast at Tiffany's is a profound little song, ain't it. I'm not one for quoting lyrics. music and songs aren't my forte' but read this song.

You say that we've got nothing in common

No common ground to start from

And we're falling apart

You'll say the world has come between us

Our lives have come between us

But I know you just don't care

Refrain:

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"

She said, "I think I remember the film,

And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."

And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

I see you - the only one who knew me

And now your eyes see through me

I guess I was wrong

So what now? It's plain to see we're over,

And I hate when things are over

When so much is left undone

Refrain

You say we've got nothing in common

No common ground to start from

But I know you just don't care