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Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Wednesday, Oct. 17, 2001 - 2:16 P.M.
So school was good. Makes me wonder sometimes just what life is supposed to be. I mean here I am about to endure another birthday, and when I say endure, I mean spend it with my friends who have gone out of their way to make it a special occasion, for which I am really grateful, and the idea that I am just a wee bit older than all of them and everything about my life seems like its wrong, like I stepped through this door and am waiting before I step back through again.

I saw an old friend that I worked with at the movie theatre, which was about 11 years ago and he asked me a couple of questions and all of my answers were the same as they would have been had the questions been asked back then. I am not saying that this is a bad thing, but I'm curious to know if its a good thing.

I don't think I am wasting my life. I don't think my life would be any better or any worse had I taken different roads and pursued other avenues, but it leaves me curious sometimes. What would my life and in turn, what would I be like had I done something different 10 years ago. Would I be where I am, who I am, would I know you or you.

BUt thinking about that, thinking about yesterday, about all that is past and can never be taken away or changed because it is and always will be what it is, I can't help but think about what we talked about in my creative writing class. This one guy wrote this poem and basically its about living in the moment, living today because today is all we really have, today is in your hands and you can mold it and make it. yesterday is made and stored in the closet. Tomorrow and the future are out of reach.

My life is my life. I don't think anyone else would have lived it the way I do and/or did. Whatever I might have done differently is irrelevant.

I changed some of my room around yesterday. I used to have a armoire right next to the door into my room and a picture above it. I look at the wall now and it is so bare and it looks like it never had anything there to begin with, just the shadow of the vacuum cleaner and the electrical outlet.

I moved everything into one corner, the armoire, the little refrigerator stocked with Dr Pepper, the Ansel Adams picture, a M.C.Escher Calendar and a black and white movie poster of Cujo fill the far corner of the room. The rest of my walls are bare. They need something. The whiteness of the walls cry out to be covered.

Anyway.....entry number one for today and this entry seem to be a bit pensive and contemplative. Probably something of a yawn fest too.

I have to go and write a poem now for my creative writing class. read me later

neurosis ~ catharsis