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laundry, my nemesis part two (2nd entry today)
Monday, Feb. 04, 2002 - 11:19 A.M. Speaking of black and foul. It saddens me when my friends say tehy prefer Pepsi. truly it does. I blame it on their oft times sad and misguided fascination with that princess of pop, Britney Spears. Ahh but you'll say "I liked Pepsi long before Britney Spears came along. I like it better than Dr Pepper even Granted I'll pretend with ever greater powers that you never said that last part. And as for the first part about liking Pepsi, well you're all misguided souls. Who haven't seen the light, but rather have fallen under the sway of carbonated EVIL. I'm convinced they serve Pepsi IN HELL I mean what worse punishment could there be except for maybe a big ol' bowl of boiled okra to wash down....sends shivers down my spine. okay.... Work was a mundane and blah experience yesterday. It really was, and if it weren't for all the books that I got shelved it would havebeen a perfectly wasted day. I had to work with Martha all day which is never a good thing. Never! And aside from lunch with Derek, who was not having a good day either, but for completely different reasons,my work day was pretty much crap. After work everyone came over and we ordered Lasagna from Nikki's and watched Rat Race. Awfully funny. I will be the first to admit that although slapstick movies look horrible, i constantly find myself laughing my ass off. I hate to admit that I like those type of movies but I do. I really do. I love to laugh. Duh! And while the humor may be crude and sick and twisted, I laugh and laugh and laugh til I can't breathe. Its great really. After the movie, everybody up and left me to my own devices and fortuitously my own device was to go to sleep. Sleep is good, but lately being dream free and all it seems a real waste of time. I hate it that I don't remember my dreams, cuz I have to dream, right? I want to know what they are, I want to know who has been stomping around up there, I want to wake up sad or happy because of what happened in my dreams. I want to dream of you. (Hmmm,I wonder, or do you wonder, just who the "you" is. grin) That's what you get for reading the public diary and not that ever elusive private one. Don't you wish you could keyword search with google for ideas instead of key words. Man can you imagine things you could find out. ihave to go to the laundry again. later Monday, Feb. 04, 2002 - 11:07 A.M. Now I have to write this whole thing over again. Now the process of recreating a most pleasurable reading experience for you....ofhforget it...It ain't going to happen....Unfortunately. So bear with me and my fuming hatred for AOL and it disconnecting me. Fortunately I have taken precautions this time and am writing this with my MSN so that even if AOL in all its assinine behavior can't cause me to lose everything. I've been contemplative this morniong for some reason. SOmetimes this can be a good thing. Some times its not so good. I haven't exactly decided which of those times this would be. I'm not listening to the best of music for it to be a beneficial contemplation of my well being. My current playlist would be as follows.
Not to mention I keep thinking about a movie that our english class watched. I say our English Class because Derek and I skipped that day. They discussed it the following day  Gold Rush with Charlie Chaplin as the "little tramp." I can't help but feel this way sometimes. That I am one way on the outside, and on the inside is this good person that nobody knows because they don't want to because of the outside. Its stupid of course. To feel this way. To think this way. But sometimes it is how I feel. It's sad to look in the mirror and not see beautiful. "I'm a hazard to myself....don't want to be my friend no more. I want to be somebody else" I'm doing laundry right now. Segregating my clothes. I hate doing laundry. I really do. Its one of those things you have to do. There almost dry though so i have to go take them out of the dryer. I'll be back. Friday, Feb. 01, 2002 - 10:07 A.M. Have you ever sat down and listened to how someone might describe you. How they see you, and in what light;what role you play in their lives, what they think of you, and you wonder afterwards, where in the name of all that is good and pure did they come up with that? Do you look in the mirror and wonder is this the person that they speak of. It is often times a mystery to me. Because I look in the mirror and am able to see all my flaws and everything that nobody knows. My fears and frustrations, my worries and weaknesses. I look out from a wall, this facade, behind which is a me that not many people know. Not that I am complex or extraordinary, not that I invoke any great passions, be it love or hate. Not that the mystery of me is worthy of great contemplation, but I still wonder. Who am I? Who am I that people befriend me, that I develop friendships, some of which I cling to like a life preserver, some of which embolden me and make me stronger and happier, some of which mold me into the person that I am. A long time ago, when I first started writing this diary I, on several occasions, mentioned my personality type INFP. When I read the profile in the book, Please Understand Me I was suddenly awed by how true it was to me. But I look at the people around me and I wonder how true it is. Am I who I am because of who I am, or am I who I am because of the people I surround myself with. I know that I am an INFP type personality. But is it because of those around me, or is it because of who I am? For the longest time I really had no use for the psychological perspective of human nature, specifically my human nature. I am who I am and all that I am. Everyday makes me, giving and taking parts of me, just as everyone I meet gives or takes from me. My friends give to me in ways that they are not even aware of. And that I can help them, be there for them, lift their spirits and put a smile on their faces, is something that my words seem so inadequate to describe. I don't know why I am suddenly so ponderous. My thumb is still tender from playing Xbox last night. sign of a true amateur, i suppose. Haven't had opportunity to develop a callous. Carpal tunnel, here I come. I really don't have anything else to put in here. I don't know if this is something worth reading, or if its a rehashed entry from many moons ago. I know I often times find myself ponder friendships and their importance to me. They are the most important, those that when worse comes to worst, when there is no light, there is nothing more that you yourself can do, a friend, a chosen companion and compatriot, a kindred spirit is the one who should be there for you. They are few and far between, these true friends, and I often hope that I am one of those to my friends. Friends are the ones that fill the heart when we are alone. There is a love in friendship that is greater than the bonds of family, of blood, for we choose our friends, be it conscious or unconscious, we have chosen them. I think, I have chosen well. Okay, enough is enough. If I keep on this path i shall be brooding all day long on how this could have been a better entry. I keep wanting to say things that will show my weakness. I think it best that you just read between the lines.
But before I go, I LOVE THIS SONG
-Semisonics |
