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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Friday, Aug. 09, 2002 - 1:49 P.M.
I'm sitting here, working up a good sense of being depressed about stupid stuff. I'm reading my old diary entries, and other people's old diary entries and things are so different from the way they were. Course I mighthave mentioned how things change people change...blah blah blah...and its true. I don't like it. I don't. It depresses me that what was is no more. Because what was, really was good. At least I thought so. Sure there were those rocky times and all that but on the whole, for me it was good.

Now its different. And I can't say its different bad or different good, but different in a way that sort of makes me sad. Because I liked before. It was good for me. AM I thinking selfishly here? Change is inevitable.

I shouldn't have gone back and read those old entries. They haven't say well with me at all. Which serves me right.

I'm supposed to help Wade and Paige move to their new apartment today. They are moving to Grand Prairie. Its too far awar for my liking, but I didn't get any input in the matter. Wade wanted to move over there to be closer to Dallas and Paige is going to school over there so it makes sense. Course they still haven't finalized the whole moving thing yet with the apartments yet and no one has called me and it is already 2:00 and Wade isn't home so I don't know what is going on about that so....who knows. I have a bad feeling about that whole thing. Not about them living together cuz they are practically together 24/7 as it is. But I know I will see them less and that's just depressing as hell.

Derek is supposed to start work at the bookstore up in Denton starting Sunday I think. At least that is what he told me last I talked to him. I haven't really talked to him all that much this week. Which kinda irritates me cuz I miss him. He's become very much a home body this last month and a half since he moved to his new apartment and Leroy moved in. Course he hasn't had any money or anything to do anything what with all the crap jobs he's had and so forth. Course school starts at the end of the month so I'll see him even less I'm sure.

I have a headache. It's one of those I NEED CAFFEINE headaches. Country time lemonade apparently doesn't do the trick.

I sent Melissa an email the other day. I haven't heard from her since the second week of June which has been weighing heavily on my mind too. The lastI talked to her she was supposed to comeup and do the movie and Uno's thing but then family was in town and she couldn't get away and that's the last of it. She wrote me back last night, and she can always put my mind at ease. She does quite easily. The words I miss you and think of you constantly are often times the best relief to read and hear. I feel like sometimes I am the only one who feels that way. With her, with Derek, with Wade and Paige with many people. Its that balance thing I was talking about the other day. I was thinking to myself how I feel like I feel more for people than they feel for me. And I was remembering that saying that goes something like its better to love that to be loved. And I was thinking what a crock that is because everyone wants to be loved. That's where the pain comes in I think. When you love and you don't know if you are loved back. Or worse still to love and not be loved back. I was told once that Ididn't understand that, that I didn't know what it was like to love someone who didn't love you back. HA! I think everyone knows it. Lord knows I do.

It hurts so, doesn't it.

Entries like this don't help. I should have never turned onthe computer this morning. I mean I laughed and smiled and snickered through so many entries and yet it has pulled me down down down because all of it is yesterday and so miss yesterday.

I should go. Before I get in a mood.:)

neurosis ~ catharsis