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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Monday, Feb. 11, 2002 - 8:46 A.M.
Do you remember all the times someone would come up to you and you'd be talking about this or that and relationships and they would say, "well if you ask me, you deserve so much better. You can do better." And you nod your head in full agreement with what they're saying, knowing it inside of you that you can do better, that you do deserve better but then you look at what you have and you remember all the good times you had and how much you cherish those memories and what they mean to you and you're wondering what it would be like if you lost them and forgot them and lost that person and you convince yourself that yes you do deserve better and you could do better, but I have all this and you never realize that they are all memories. That everything you are cherishing is long passed and over with. That today the only thing that will keep you going is what happened way back when. Sometimes, when "they" say you could do better and that you deserve better. It really is true.

I have a problem with letting go. At least I think I do. Because I have a notion that things can always change. That there is this chance, whether it be a long shot or not, there is this chance that things will go the way I want them too. Sometimes holding onto that longshot can do more damage than good. Sometimes it prevents you from seeing what's right in front of you, who's right in front of you. Longshots are both the impetus and destruction of possibility though. Especially with matters of the heart.

Kinda reminds me of that movie, Sliding Doors. Timing is everything. One simple thing different and you are two ships passing in the night, (sigh) but change that one simple thing and. . . well who's to say what the night will bring. (grin) Kismet, destiny, the fates, they are fickled and curious. Where we are going, who we will be with is a continuing mystery. Eros' arrows hit without discretion it seems and you don't know it till its upon you. (i've been reading too much mythology!) You wonder to yourself if his aim is true.

Its supposed to be (like it won't be if you refuse to celebrate it) Valentine's Day in three days. I tell myself that its just a day put to good use by all the capitalist's pigs in the chocolate and greeting card industry to tug at the heartstrings of all those people "in love." And I tell myself, sure, there are individuals that I'd happily give a valentine's to....you remember in elementary school, you get that box of cheap ass valentine cards from the grocery store or walmart and everybody in your classroom handed them out and you all decorated little bags with Valentine stuff, heart shapes and the word love scrawled across it somewhere and at the end of the day you'd take your bag o' valentine crap home. Whatever happened to that stuff? I mean by the next valentine, hell by St patrick's Day it was out of sight and out of mind. You had a green something or other sitting on your desk with giant shamrocks and leprechauns on it.

The truth of the matter is, I want someone to be my valentine. I mean who doesn't? I do....

Did you know the shelf life of those hard little candy hearts is three to four years. Its amazing what you can find on the internet.

You know I should be writing my english paper right now. its due tomorrow. Or maybe I should be studying, microbiology lab stuff since there's a test tomorrow. I always hated labs I mean for one extra credit we do an awful lot of crap. Its very tedious too and late in the day. COurse we only have lab once this week and not on THursday. Hey, that's almost like a Valentine...isn't it, yet its not exactly love I feel for the lab instructor. She's something of a nazi.

neurosis ~ catharsis