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Ambiguity, ambivalence, ambidextrious.....it don't matter much
Sunday, Apr. 27, 2003 - 8:45 A.M. Its funny the statement above, or rather my response seems to be a foundation upon which I stand and have stood for some time. It didn't occur to me until just now. At the time I was living with my mother, in her home and at the time, I felt like a stranger there, sleeping in someone else's house, hesitant to get food from the refrigerator like it was somebody else's home. And at that time the friends I had, while we were very close, I felt like they were somebody else's friends. Like my best friend at the time, had grown up there and I was just dropped in from above and I settled in knowing that I was second to everyone. Be it my mother, or my friends. It wasn't a happy time when I think about it. I's not one of my favorite things to feel. And sometimes lately, I feel that way. Now its pretty much indoctrinated into me, but I have to struggle against it, because I know its not true, but as the saying goes, you can't help what you feel. That's true for so many things. An essential reality that everyone must understand. No! We all can't just get along. It won't ever happen. In the history of man, it has never happened. I don't know why, I don't care really, because it is one of those basic things that make us who we are. Since Moses stood atop the mountainside and bellowed forth those ten commandments, which in all essence is a list of things that we are, that we do, that are a part of us, that make us human, perhaps too human. It is a list of our baser side. We covet, we kill,....it's like the Top Ten list from Letterman branded into stone..... So no we can't just get along. And I realize, maybe I'm giving up some sort of hope putting this into writing, saying it for all the world to see, but just think for the past 3000 plus years give or take a millennia, we've not done it and all the advancements we've made in the last 3 millennia, none of them have been to stride towards peace. SO whether it is Muslim and Jew and Christian or lets go micro, your two best friends who have this tendency to hate each other, I don't expect a remedy to the situation to ever arise. Sure, there's gonna be those periods of growth (for lack of a better word) but in all actuality it'll be on the surface, just for show, and in the end, the hatred and the anger and whatever other emotions might be present will still be present. Mel was supposed to come up for the Kathleen Woodiwiss autographing on Friday. She didn't. I'm assuming she forgot which is alright. I did get her a book autographed which I am certain she will like. I don't know why I put that in here. Probably for no other reason than that I wanted to see her and didn't get to. Boy, I'm feeling bitchy right now. That's not a good sign. I have to wrok in less than an hour. I'm wearing Jeans to work today. I don't know if we can yet, but when I left yesterday, we were able to. Unless my coworkers dropped the proverbail ball after I left. WHatever the case may be, I'm wearin' 'em. Its been a pretty blah past week and a half. I blame you. GRIN. Okay I have to go and get ready for work. Make myself presentable. Oh I got my haircut again on Friday too. I was stylin' I was! Shut up. Okay......I'm out, like a cat after clawing the curtains. |
