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California, here I come
Sunday, Mar. 10, 2002 - 10:16 A.M. The packing is done, the watcher of the apartment has been selected, one who will more than likely not go through everything in my apartment. Work is a distant memory that will hopefully not enter my mind except for the gloating postcard from sunny california. The skies outside are beautiful and clear, the air fresh and invigorating, my spirits high. Which is a good thing. I wasn't in such high spirits last night. Nothing to go into here because everyone who needs to know, already knows, suffice to say, its a good thing that I am a pacifist by nature. RIght now I don't want to be a pacifist. I want the opposite. It brings to mind a little ditty called a Little Black Back Pack. But all is well. All is good. My friends are going with me to California. I'm in a mood to reminisce (sp) about the last year. Everything seems to be chaotic, a little, so, untoward any certain time or place, and yet here I am, with friends, who a year ago, I hardly knew, who hardly knew me. I would, nor could imagine, having friends this close. I only have a few others who I hold so dearly, but these three are here constantly, and constantly remind me how important they are to me. I can't imagine my life, right now without any of them. I don't want to imagine. Over a year ago I had several other friends. I guess you could call them that. Jenni was supposed to be my friend, but I guess she was supposed to be Wade's friend too and we know how that turned out. A couple of weeks ago she gave me my key back to my apartment because I told her dad a few things about her pedning roommate and she took it as I hated her or something. I guess there was no concern whatsoever for her emotional well being in what I did, alas, such is life. We play the cards we're dealt. I know the sensation Wade talks about when he says that he misses her. When she is with you, she has this way about her. She seems so genuine and she gives herself to whoever she is with fully and its an invigorating feeling. Its a shame things turned out the way they did between everyone. But right now, today, the people around me, those people who consider me friend, I can only be grateful for. I sometimes feel like I don't pull my end of the deal when it comes to friendship. I am a little closed off and I know they feel cheated. And aside from Melissa and Jennifer and Carolyn, I have never felt a stronger urge to share my all with them. I'm getting a little misty here. I feel a little stupid. Emotions are what they are and for the longest time the idea of expressing them openly seemed a bit wrong. And it still does, but it pisses me off because if I can't share them with the people I love the most, then who can I share them with and why would they want to share them with me? Anyway. I should go. I'm trying to put off everything to the last minute, but that's alright. Cuz everything is already done. I just don't want to unhook my computer and disconnect from the internet for the next 24 hours. Silly I know, but what can I say. :) For those of you constant readers, (Are there any who aren't going to be in the car with me?) stay tuned for the wonderful real life explosive adventures in sunny california. Look for the first wonderful entry on Monday night. Granted it will be all about a long and arduous drive through the deserts of America's southwest and the incessant caterwauling of pop music just kidding....hehehehe and where we had to stop and pee and what wondrous graffiti was on the wall above the urinal or something along those lines, but still, it'll be exciting. Maybe I'll get all mushy about what its like to be the navigator. All right, all right. I'm going, I'm going. Don't be so pushy. I'll write more later. |
