�stalk:
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�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
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Monday, Apr. 15, 2002 - 10:55 P.M.
Do you ever wonder just what it is you know. I mean do you think, you know what is going on, examining your ideas about everything around you, those people in your lives and who they are to you and who you are to them. Do they feel about you what you feel about them. How much of what we "see" is real and how much of it is just our own perception. How much do we make something out of things that aren't really there. Both good and bad. Sometimes I wonder why people don't like me. Or why I don't like people. Not dislike, but just don't like. I know that doesn't make sense, but it does too, doesn't it? Its hard because we want to be missed as much as we miss people. We want people to think about us as much as we think about them. We want to think that we have the same affect on others as they have on us. Or maybe I'm just self centered and an egomaniac. I would just like to think that the attachments that I have with those around me are mutual and not figments of my imagination or wishful thinking. I admit, a great deal of this line of thought is the result of insecurities on my part. The people around me have given me no reason to think otherwise or feel as though I am unimportant to them. But sometimes I can't help but feel something completely different. I'm not used to being important to other people, for people to tell me that I am important, that my friendship is something of value.

I was talking to Wade earlier and he has surmised that my diary is a, I forget his exact words, but it centers a great deal on the importance of friendship. He mentioned how before they,meaning at first the "wacky Pack" (don't ask) and then with the others, before them it was just me. I used to be under the impression that I didn't need anyone. That whole notion of "no man is an island" was a crock. I didn't need anyone. Now, well now, I have to have these deep and delving introspective thoughts that pull me in different directions. Filling me with doubts. that's the worst part. I shouldn't doubt myself, doubt my worth, doubt my goodness, doubt me. And I shouldn't doubt you either.

Work was one of those things that could have been better, but also could have been much worse. I got to work the day shift and so it was good. I'm surprised Martha left me working during the day today since I told her she should switch me on saturday because otherwise I was going to have to close the whole weekend. And she has Friday's off. It's only fair. So she switched Saturday but still left me openingon Monday. Then I came home and did a whole lot of nothing. Ate a bag of popcorn and a peanut butter sandwich and watched a bunch of crap tv. All in all, it was a sad 5 hours of non productivity. GRIN. Read me later

neurosis ~ catharsis