�stalk:
email
notes
guestbook

�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

�SENSES:
Listening:
watch a movie


Reading:
go to sleep


Watching:
wake up and go to work

Sunday, Jun. 09, 2002 - 8:52 P.M.
How many times have you sat down to write an email and you have written everything you wanted to say, sounding profoundly deep and moving using all the right words, hitting all the right points putting it just the right way and then you don't send the email. You just look at it wistfully thinking what it would be like for that other person to get the email and read it and feel what you wanted to have felt, to understand once and for all everything going on inside of you that you were too whatever to express in words outloud. Yeah, I don't ever do that either. I wonder what's that like? No really. I have these inspirational spurts of expression where I want to tell someone something, to let it all out into the open and let them know just what it is, what it is, and then in the end I chicken out. Well not always chicken out, sometimes I think I just sit down and write it, just to have it said, somewhere in stead of just bouncing around in my head reverberating. The thing that really bothers me though is that later, I happen upon these expressions of my heart, mind, these expressions of me and I feel a deep disatisfaction at not sharing it with whoever I was writing to. As much as I have grown as a person, as much as I have let down my guard, I still fear getting hurt and still worry about rejection. A good friend of mine said once that the fear of rejection is the strong emotion we have and I couldn't agree more. Suffice to say, some of you, have no idea what goes on in this head o' mine. How strongly I feel. How often I am hurt or frustrated or mad (though I seldom get mad or angry) And I'm not saying this to make you think, hmmm, could he be referring to me THis really has nothing to do with anything or anyone but rather a train of thought trundling around in my head at the moment. Don't know why. Well I do cuz I happened upon an email that I wrote someone and that deep sense of disatisfaction came over me and bing bang boom let's write part of an entry in the trusty ol' diary. So there you go. I was reading another diary the other day, last night I think and this person went on and on about how much he liked his friends, how much he appreciated them, how much this and how much that and I was thinking blah blah blah blah blah not so much because he was expression an affection for his friends, but rather because he was doing it so blatantly and it was like every other entry. It seems a bit ironic me talking about that since I have often expressed the importance of friendship and have on occasion expressed a sense of love for my friends but still it seemed to me that it was said for the sake of all those people named,as if they were reading it and he had to name them specifically. I hope that I don't come off that way when other people read my diary. Not that its important or anything, but I don't know, I just don't want it thought that I say it for the sake of saying it and not feeling it genuinely. Because I do, to my own delightful surprise.

Work was a delightful bore. It was long and monotonous and downright run of the mill work. The last couple of hours dripped by like cold molasses. I did do well with the preferred reader card, selling 7 of them suckers. Though the day started out rather slowly it ended well. Seeing as we only got 8 for the whole day I figure that's pretty good for me. 6:30 got here soon enough and I was homeward bound. Called Wade, but he was still asleep so I told his grandmother I'd call back. Talked to Derek and we went and had dinner. I was able to drag him away from his XBox for a little while. He is trying to conquer Final Fantasy X and I think he got back home just in time to keep from getting the shakes.

Now I am waiting on Wade and the rest to get here so that we can go and watch a movie. I think we are going to watch that Ya Ya movie. Me, Wade, Jennifer Gibbs and Paige. The three of us are waiting on Wade right now. Big surprise...hehehe. Anyway, I should end this cuz Wade'll be here soon and then we will be on our way. So you'll just have to read me later.

neurosis ~ catharsis