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�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002 - 12:00 P.M.
Instead of posting surveys here on this diaryland, I'll post them here so that those of you who could careless about what size shoe I wear won't be overly bored. Since that particular question hasn't come up in a survey yet, the answer would be size 10. But that's the last bit of survey info. you'll be getting on this webpage. So go here for my surveys and there will be a link up above.

It still grey and muggy outside. I'm not a big fan of grey or muggy but put the two of them together and its just plain yuck. You know what I mean.

Yesterday was. Simply put, don't ya think. I mean I got up and weent to work and came home and watched tv and talked online and fell asleep. *sorry* I need to get a new bed. It makes my back hurt like crazy sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't. But the couch, my couch is really soft. Course it pulls out into a bed too, so maybe I'll see how that feels tonight.

Suppose to go to Hurricane Harbor today with Derek. If it doesn't rain. But it doesn't look very promising at the moment. And there's the off chance that he may not want to go after his errand that he has to run today. But Hurricane Harbor may be just what the doctor ordered.

We had lunch yesterday at Chili's I had fajitas, although I wanted fajita quesadillas, I forgot to say the quesadilla part and low and behold, look what I ended up getting. It was good though. I ended up taking an hour for lunch though. Not that I cared. Everything was covered at the store so it wasn't a big deal.

I talked to Wade for a bit yesterday. He seemed a bit distant or perturbed. I'm not sure which one it was though. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow. I'm off again, ain't that great!! But we're supposed to hang out which'll be good.

I was watchin' Oprah last night while talking to Sam. He told me to turn it on. It was about journaling and how it changed peoples lives.....it was pretty depressing cuz all of the examples she used were about people who were dying or dead. One was of a young lady who died at the WTC on 9/11. One was a reporter who was stoned to death. One was of a man who had alzheimer's. And I'm just thinking how terribly depressing it was. FOrtunately I fell asleep before the end of the show or now telling how much worse it would have gotten. It never occurs to me just what this online journal would mean to other people. Most of my friends read it, if not all of them. Its a small group. None of my family read it and I wonder if anything in here that they might read would surprise them or they would find out of character for me. I don't find, thinking back on all the entries that I've written that I do much inner contemplation. There are a few entries that come to mind of course, but over all its a basic this was my day type of thing. I don't know if I am supposed to be deep and thought provoking. And when I am deep and thought provoking I don't know if I want everyone reading it. I read a lot of dland diaries and in many of them, they are that way. But most, if not all, no one close to them read them. I have another diary that no one reads and (I realize its just a tease to put that here) but I have to have a part of me that is just me. I have to have a place where I can write things like why Wade and I are friends and stay friends and are such good friends. Why Derek's friendship with me is so important and what it truly means to me or why Mel has been the only girl who has ever captured my heart and in doing so taught me what love is. That is my private place, that is the place where I can say it and not look into your eyes later think why did I write that where other people can read it. Its mine, it is what keeps me going when on the outside I have doubts and worries about everything that I am about. I always think about deleting it, making it disappear so that it doesn't exist anymore but in my head. And I keep contemplating about writing it all in here. Derek said in his diary once and I don't know if it was a dig at me for having two separate diaries or not, but he said what's the use of having two. And I'm thinking right now, how true that is. What's so bad about everyone knowing how I feel about them. And then my inner mind says in the best hannibal lecter impersonation "quid pro quo, Clarice, Quid pro quo" I don't want to let it all out if no one else will.. Selfish of me yes, but I don't want to go out on a ledge and jump if I don't know that there is going to be a soft landing. Believe it or not, underneath the facade of blase ambivalence to the world around me, I'm a big baby. I really am. I live in a world of doubt. Some say for no reason, but still I doubt. I want to love these people that mean so much to me without the fear of not being loved back.

But anyways......where the hell did that come from. Someone needs to spackle that crack before more gets out. :) Anyway. I guess that's entry enough for the time being. I need to go and make me a sandwich. its lunch time and I'm hungry. Applesauce only goes so far.

SO read me later. And remember....there's that new survey I filled out.

neurosis ~ catharsis