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�FRIENDS:
Derek
Wade
Paige
Jessica

�QUOTE:

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2002 - 10:13 A.M.
It's a wonder, it truly is, that we have evolved at all. It is truly amazing that we have been able to drag ourselves from the caves, stand upright, create the microwave oven, pull free of the earth's gravity and stand on the moon and yet a customer service call to any one of the hundreds of customer service lines can put you on hold for what seems like hours for an answer that takes all of 1 minute. How is that possible. How is it possible that one can sign up and do everything to get something started online, but if you wish to cancel it, you have to call someone? And you call them, and what do they do, once you finally get through, they verify all yur information that you signed up online with just to go ahead and cancel it. To all the customer service gurus out there who come up with these brain schemes, go back to your cave. Of course its easy to try and understand why they make you call, cuz some people would rather not call and stay a member of something and pay your monthly fee as opposed to wait for minutes on end to hear "okay, I will cancel that, effective immediately."

Wade and I went out to JR's last night. He was just supposed to come over and hang out but apparently that wasn't in the stars. He had a hankering for alcohol. So off we went. On the way out there, he decided to tell me that he had a vision that death was in his carand I'm thinking great. Not only of death but that he was all but sitting in my seat or rather reaching over my seat. It was a bit unsettling, and if you have ever been in the car with Wade when he drives, it wasn't something I needed to hear. Fortunately we arrived at our destination safely and let me tell you, JR's has a crappy bar. Their shots are shit, their drinks weak as the above mentioned excrement. And even for a straight boy, (allow me to be superficial for a minute)I could tell there were a lot of ugly people there.

Out of the 40 or so people that Wade spied and or checkout, he said only 3 he probably could have made it with and only 1 he would have wanted to make it with. This coming from someone who has a confessed higher than average souped up sex drive. In a place where your appearance is everything, where what you wear and how you wear it, where what you say and what you talk about, where all the world is indeed a stage....it is just amazing that anyone is able to come out of there much less go in as themselves. I don't know how many times I've heard or read, I don't like the "scene", yet every one plays the game, making themselves a part of the scene. anyways....

Wade is under the impression that he has lost his way. That he is supposed to be something by now, that something derailed his success. Something has held him back from accomplishment. He seems to think that he is meant for greatness. And I say we are all meant for greatness. Not a one of us dream as a child that we are going to grow up to be a sales clerk. Not a one of us dreams of being the third shift waitress at the local IHOP. We dream of being heroes, of being famous, of being rich, of being all that we can possibly be. Its like wanting to be a national football player. Every town and city in every state in this country has a football star, and every single one of them are the best player they've ever seen, but you know what if every player who had the talent and the skill to be a pro actually played pro football, we'd have football 365 days a year. We'd have a thousand pro teams. No matter what we succeed at, we all "coulda been a contender". The truth of the matter is, if you want it, go for it. Don't sit back and dream the dream, you gotta live the dream.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be President of the United States. I did. I imagined these men to be all a man could be. Reality is a bitch. They are, all of them, human. And not even the best of us. They are the ones with the most money, the most influence, the most corporate backers who fill their coffers to overflowing. Its amazing how both the democrats and republican bellow on and on about all this money that each of the other party gets. Hypocrisy is rampant on that there Hill. And we are more than ready on both sides of the aisle to take up the call, to carry the propaganda home. As long as its our guy, then its A-OK with me. Needless to say, i don't want to be president any more. Well a part of me does. A part of me thinks that I could change it, but "it" is way older than I am, "it" has always been that way. If I thought I could make a difference.... but no, the presidency is for loftier men than I. Now I want to teach, to be a teacher, to mold the minds of tomorrow, to help create better men and women. What loftier goal is there?

I don't know where any of that came from. Aside from the whole derailed life thing. I guess its just floating around up there, wanting to be said. I don't know what my life holds for me. I know that I will live everyday, well or not, I will live it. I will strive or I will not. i will succeed or I will fail. But the operative word is I. I don't get to blame anyone for my failure, nor will the credit go to anyone when I succeed. It is my life, It is what I am, who I am, where I am. And living it is the thing.

I'm supposed to go to Hurricane Harbor today. And I figure the only way I end up not going is if Derek's boyfriend is able to persuade him not to go. He doesn't like hurricane harbor all that much. So we will see. I am looking forward to going though. To hanging out with Derek. We don't get to hang out that much anymore and once school starts and he starts working up in Denton then it'll be a lot less I'm afraid. It kinda makes me blue to think about it. So anyway, hopefully I'll be telling you about Hurricane Harbor and all of its watery goodness in my next entry. If there's no mention, well then you know what happened.

Well, I think that's entry enough for the time being. I have a book calling out to me from the coffee table. I'm coming, be patient... you have to dote on them or they becoming boring jumbles of words. So read me later

neurosis ~ catharsis