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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin


Catharsis:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

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2001-01-08 - 08:08:38
The battleground was fierce. The sky lit with the explosion of battle. The contest was mighty and yet the flu still has its mighty grip around me. Though i feel it weakening somewhat. It just doesn't have the staying power that I do, I guess. Casualties were many, and rations, Coke being the worst of it, is running low. My personal antibodies are getting tons of sleep and are whooping up on that old flu virus. Victory, predestined, is just hours, probably a day or two at most. I look forward to the sunrise and the serenity that is not bombasted by a phlegmy cough. Peace will be here at last.

I have to go to work in a little bit, but as I didn't post anything last night, I felt it necesary to put in an appearance as I have a tendency to write to other people who haven't updated. I wrote 4 emails yesterday to 4 people who have written or are writing online diaries. One was about what was written, because it kind of scared me what they wrote, not so much scared, but teh bluntness of it, took me by surprise. Another I wrote because he seemed to have not so much lost his way with his journal, like I would know, and then another because he had written in a while I wanted him too. And then one because I hadn't written him in a while. I heard back from two of them, which is good. I was expecting to write in here that i wrote 4 stupid emails yesterday. Cuz after I wrote them i was thinking that you know these people don't want to hear from you, they have lives and problems enough to deal with, but I am a friendly voice so I couldn't help it. :) All in the name of a friendly voice. Sometimes i should just get over myself. Right.

I haven't heard from mel since she wrote the short apology email to me. I started writing her a reply, twice aI am written a reply, and neither time I have sent it. I am a bit lost with want I want to say to her. Everyone is telling me I should be mad at her. or worse. the thing is as hurt as I was by what occurred, the idea of being mad does come up. I was frustrated and a bit perturbed at the time i will grant you that, but I am not mad at her. I can't be. I want to be sometimes. Everybody wants me to be. Why can't I be mad at her. Why can't I not want to talk to her. or not want to see her. Or hear her voice. Why is it i have to do these things and experience her. And I don't feel whole when I don't get to. Its scary really. I feel like half a person. And as luck would have it, its all my fault to begin with. No, I'm okay with it being my fault. Hindsight being what it is, one has to accept things as they are. SO I do. I just wish sometimes they weren't the way the are. dream a little dream with me

Okay I gotta go. Work calls and I just swallowed my Super B complex vitamin, fortified with Calcium, yummy!

You know I mentioned i think to several people in the last couple of weeks about not writing to or at people when i write this, and I am thinking now that maybe they aren't writing at people, but at "diary" I mean maybe I am wrong to tell people how to write their journals. I mean for goodness sakes I've only been writing one faithfully for 2 months and 8 days, what do I know about the essense of a diary. Anyway. I won't do that anymore. Expression is an individual thing.

PS I got that little frigerator in my room. I can't remember if the refrigerator was an imaginary entry in my diary, cuz I remember sitting down talking about it to the keyboard and writing it,m but i can't recall if I posted the entry as I have been under heavy assault with this damnable flu lately.

School starts on the 16th! Yeah. I can't wait. Sick isn't it.

Our calendar store goes down on the 16th too. Man o man but the fates are smiling on me. I'm supposed to go back to work for Martha on that Monday and Wednesday while she is on vacation. But after that everything is still up in the air. I have heard that I might be working both places. I supppose that won't be so bad. I just don't want to be closing every freaking night. I won't be if I have anything to say about it.

Okay I really have to go. Finished swallowing the swill of a Coke. though i think the stuff is growing on me. But possibly the source of the ravaging flu to, you never know. It could exhibit flu like symptoms. grin

neurosis ~ catharsis